1) The first boy I loved didn’t just shatter my heart. He shattered every part of me, even my tongue. When I kiss you, you will bleed.
2) Sometimes when I’m driving at night I let go of the wheel and clench my eyes shut and pretend I’m about to die. I’m not leaving, just imagining. I promise I’ll come back soon.
3) Parents tend not to like me. I always accidentally slip a suicidal comment into conversations. Your mother will probably be calling 911 before she’s calling to invite me back.
4) Loving him turned me cold. When I sleep in your bed you will shiver beside me and I’m sorry about the temperature but I’m here with you and thats a big step for me.
5) Sometimes I need to talk at 3 AM and I know you love to sleep but I love you and I’m trying really hard to do it right so please pick up the phone."
How is it you fall in such love with someone who is so not right for you? Someone who loves to kick you when you’re down, who ignores your cries, someone who doesn’t give a damn about anything else but them self. How the hell is it that we can’t see through them at the beginning, so that we don’t get trapped in and fall in love? How is it that the good weigh out the bad, and you are just fine with everything?
Not only am I hurt, and confused why I even still care, but I’m frustrated at the fact you think all these games won’t catch up with you. All your lies, your fabricated stories; don’t you think they will eventually end you up lonely?
That’s something I never understood about you. Loneliness doesn’t scare you. Nothing seems to.
I wish I could go back and redo absolutely everything that we went through. Those memories, are things that I’m NEVER going to be able to give up. You’re the reason I am the way I am today; the reason I barely trust people, and the people I do trust usually fuck me over. I cry multiple times a week because I feel like something is seriously wrong with me, when at the end of the day it’s just because of your memories. They linger, just creeping in the back of my mind not only to help shed many tears, but smiles also. I never thought I would ever be affected by a person as much as I did by you, but god it’s like an infection. Once you’re infected, there seems to be no cure.
So as of right now, I’m stuck.
Only hoping one day that a cure will show up.